1976 JJ Barrie: No Charge

Back on 'Stand By Your Man', I commented that country music tends to be straightforward in its internal morality. I thought that the Wynette track was a good example of this but, by god, 'No Charge' is a better one.

Originally recorded by Melba Montgomery in 1974, 'No Charge' is less a song and more a forthright and utterly humourless sermon on motherhood; a burgeoning adolescent capitalist presents his mother with an invoice for his week's labours ("For mowing the lawn, five dollars". "For making my own bed this week, one dollar" and so on). Instead of settling up, his mother presents an inventory of her own ("For the nine months I carried you growing inside me, no charge" and so on and so on) with the pay off being "Lord knows when you add it all up, the cost of real love is no charge". No charge, just a load of emotional blackmail eh JJ?

But skip all that, whatever you make of the questionable logic there's no doubt it made a lot more sense coming from a woman. Barrie acts as an observer to this little episode and recounts it spoken word in the third person which at a stroke more than halves any emotional kick the song may have had.* And to distract further from his forced sincerity, the 'mother' verses are double tracked by the yell and screech of a would-be revivalist belter, rattling out the mother's side as a backing vocal that all but obliterates Barrie's lead.

It all boils down to the fact that no matter how hard he tries with his furrowed brow sincerity, Barrie adds nothing to, nor wrings anything out of the song and all that remains is a lop sided monstrosity that uses a tone of semi religious awe to hide the fact it's got precious little to say for itself. One of the worst number ones we are going to encounter on our travels, but for this review (and all the others) - no charge.

* No doubt many fathers would have stepped in with an "Why you ungrateful little brat" and given him a clip round the ear. Perhaps Barrie was too afraid of a "Well I never ASKED to be born bitch" response that would have checkmated his song to a standstill.