I can't say I'm a fan of the Eurovision Song Contest. It's a nice idea I guess, and as it doesn't involve the slow death of children or animals then I'm happy enough to let them get on with it without any pro or anti involvement from me. I feel much the same about those rustic people who still use horses as a form of everyday transport. That's fine too, just as long as they stick to the bridleways and hillsides. But if our two worlds collide and I spy a horse and rider in front of me when I'm out driving then a red mist descends and my knuckles glow white on the steering wheel. And so it goes at times if there's a spillover from Eurovision in the form of a chart single. Because put simply, what makes a good single isn't necessarily what makes a good Eurovision song. In general terms, the 45rpm format presents a blank canvas on which an artist can condense their art into a perfect two to five minute chunk. That doesn't mean all bets are off; there are certain parameters that need to be observed and anything wilfully obscure, difficult or plain bloody minded just isn't going to sell. It doesn't make for a good single either. As I said earlier, 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' is a good song, but I don't think it's necessarily a good single. On the other hand, 'Waterloo', is both a good Eurovision song and a good single in its own right. But it's a fine line.
For Eurovision, the writers have around three minutes to capture the hearts and minds of a truly cosmopolitan judging audience. That it requires a simple, catchy tune is a no brainer and on that front at least, being no brain, nursery rhyme simple with a fixed grin beaming relentlessly from out of the grooves, 'Save All Your Kisses For Me' ticks all the right boxes to the extent that one hearing is all you need to whistle along. And even if you can't speak a word of English, you can tell from its tone that the Brotherhood are not singing about anything like rape or murder. They didn't look like they were either; unfortunately, I'm of age enough to have experienced this at first hand and I simply cannot hear the song now without picturing the four of them lined up all berets and flares like woodentops, prancing out this song with their little hand gestures and kicks as accompaniment.
What they are in fact singing about is the anguish of leaving a loved one behind every day as they go off to their job: "I've got to work each day and that's why I go away, but I count the seconds till I'm home with you". In the real world, any partner this needy of attention or simple minded enough to warrant this level of reassurance is not one cut out to engage in a serious, lifelong relationship. But of course, the twist ending reveals whose kisses are being saved: "Won't you save them for me, even though you're only three". Awwww shucks. You're meant to say.
And I seem to remember that a lot of girls (again, it was always the girls) back in the day, taken as they were with the cuteness of it all did say just that, with 'Sweet' or 'lovely' the most common descriptions. Maybe it is all that, and maybe I'm a hard hearted bastard for disagreeing. Fine. I can live with that. I've been called worse. But if that's indeed what I am then I'll go for broke and say 'Save All Your Kisses For Me' would be fine and fitting fodder as a highlight of an out of season cabaret show staged on the arse end of a clapped out pier pavilion when played to an audience of blue rinses sheltering from the rain outside, but that at the top of the charts it's about as welcome as the crunch of jackboots and spraypainted swastikas in a synagogue. There, see how much of a hard hearted bastard I can really be?
No comments:
Post a Comment